DEAR ABBY: I moved throughout the nation 9 years in the past to be nearer to my dad and mom as they age. They’re now of their early to mid-80s. My mom has just lately had a couple of falls. One was unhealthy sufficient that she needed to be taken by ambulance to the ER as a result of she was not in a position to stand. (I think a few of her falling is because of having a drink or two at a on line casino, which impacts her steadiness.)
I’ve been saying for nearly a yr that my mom wants a walker. As a result of it has fallen on deaf ears, I took it upon myself to purchase her a walker and bathe chair. She and Dad are nonetheless satisfied she doesn’t want a walker. Abby, after we acquired to the hospital, she wanted help to make use of the lavatory as a result of she couldn’t stand or stroll on her personal after the autumn.
As we speak I realized she and Dad went to a on line casino with out the walker. I’m beside myself! They’re both in denial or simply don’t wish to hearken to me, however I’m at my wits’ finish as a result of I’m certain this can occur once more. I’m afraid her subsequent fall could end in damaged bones or worse. Any recommendation? — FEARFUL DAUGHTER IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR DAUGHTER: It’s possible you’ll be attempting to purpose with the flawed dad or mum. Assuming they’re each of their proper minds, inform your father that with the historical past of falls your mom has, the results of the subsequent one could possibly be severe. Neither of them is a spring hen. If both one, notably your mom, have been to interrupt a hip and be bedridden, it may result in pneumonia and demise. In the event that they make mild of it, get their physician to weigh in.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been mates with the “Joneses” for a few years. We historically change present baskets. I take pleasure in selecting out treats and gadgets I believe they might take pleasure in when assembling their basket. I additionally give them home-baked gadgets.
Final yr, their basket for us contained a freebie calendar from a charity (we additionally obtained one from the charity; they gifted us one the earlier yr as effectively, and I had informed them then that we already had one). There was additionally an amenity bar of cleaning soap from a lodge, a summer time sausage, a small wheel of processed cheese and a 4-inch-by-5-inch print the spouse purchased at an artwork honest I had attended along with her years earlier than. It appeared like she simply went round her home gathering issues she didn’t need for the basket.
This yr, I’m fascinated with telling them we’d somewhat not change items because it appears they will’t be bothered. Do you assume I’m being grinchy? — THOUGHT THAT COUNTS?
DEAR THOUGHT: Your mates could also be experiencing monetary issue. I don’t assume it might be sort or well mannered to inform them “it appears they will’t be bothered.” A greater technique to strategy it is perhaps to inform the spouse that you simply and your husband are “reducing again on gift-giving this yr,” which is why you can be gifting mates a home-baked pie, cake, batch of cookies, and so on., and also you hope they may contemplate doing the identical. (By the way in which, they already ARE reducing again, which is why you wrote to me!)
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
