For Jenna from New York, what ought to have been a easy yes-or-no choice has resulted in sleepless nights. Her buddy — somebody she hadn’t spoken to in three years — immediately reached out, asking for $900 to cowl a lien on a storage unit she mentioned held all her worldly possessions. The cash, the buddy mentioned, was due in just some days.
Jenna might scrape the cash collectively, however it could be a stretch. She’s been working to repay her mortgage and knew that handing over almost $1,000 would set her again. Guilt gnawed at her: What if the scenario have been reversed? What if she actually was her buddy’s final hope?
However when Jenna referred to as The Ramsey Present for recommendation, hosts Ken Coleman and Jade Warshaw didn’t hesitate. Their verdict? A “arduous no,” and a warning that, of their view, appearing on guilt may end up in self-sabotage.
Borrowing from or lending to family and friends might make some squeamish, however it’s extremely widespread. A JG Wentworth survey printed in August discovered slightly below 52% of respondents had borrowed cash from a buddy or member of the family no less than as soon as, and 53% had lent cash. Practically half of those that borrow from relations anticipated no reimbursement, highlighting casual monetary assist as an important useful resource (2).
However a mortgage to somebody who fell out of contact and immediately pops in to ask for cash? That’s the place Coleman and Warshaw began to problem Jenna’s intestine intuition. When requested how she felt the second her buddy requested the $900, Jenna admitted her first response was pity.
“And also you simply instructed us that $900 is a hardship that will be introduced on your self to assist any individual repay a debt. And this any individual’s not even in your life,” Coleman responded. “They have not even returned your calls. They have not even had the widespread decency to return a textual content. It is a arduous no from me.”
Because the dialog unfolded, the small print bought worse. Jenna had referred to as the storage firm herself and realized that her buddy’s debt was truly double what she claimed and that she was behind on a number of items.
“That tells me … she’s hitting a number of individuals up for $900,” Coleman mentioned.
Warshaw added: “Guilt and generosity don’t dwell in the identical home. You don’t give out of guilt; you give out of the abundance of pleasure.”
If Jenna actually felt moved to assist, they suggested, she needed to deal with it as a present, not a mortgage — and be ready by no means to see that cash once more.
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Jenna’s story strikes a nerve as a result of it’s acquainted to many individuals. Monetary specialists say there’s a distinction between serving to somebody going via a tough patch and enabling dangerous conduct.
Based on nonprofit credit score counselor InCharge Debt Options, enabling occurs when offering one-off monetary assist escalates right into a behavior. To forestall that, the group means that when offering assist in an emergency, you may have a dialogue about the way to handle comparable conditions sooner or later, together with by constructing an emergency fund for sudden bills.
Additionally they say it’s OK to ask for the borrower’s funds and an in depth plan of how the cash you give shall be spent. If it’s in any respect attainable, give a present, not a mortgage — nothing fractures relationships like a debt hanging over your head. Equally, they recommend providing non-financial assist if cash isn’t within the playing cards for you. They recommend chipping in with childcare, transportation or meals at your house, and to be cautious if the particular person says money is the one resolution (3). Maybe Jenna might reconnect together with her buddy and provide assist in different methods.
Lastly, don’t let serving to others get in the way in which of your wants and targets. A March 2025 report from Financial savings.com mentioned mother and father who proceed to assist their grownup youngsters are sometimes placing more cash towards their youngsters than towards their very own futures — spending greater than twice as a lot serving to grown youngsters as they contribute to retirement every month (4).
If you end up in Jenna’s place, step one is to separate emotion from math. Earlier than you conform to something, ask your self: Can I give this cash away with no expectation of getting it again, and with out damaging my very own targets? If sure, go forward. If not, then that’s OK. Subsequent, talk clearly. Skip elaborate justification. A easy “I’m sorry, I can’t afford to assist financially proper now” is sufficient.
In the event you genuinely need to assist however can’t afford to pay, search for non-financial methods to do it. Provide to assist your buddy funds, join them with native assets, or present emotional assist. However keep away from enjoying the position of power rescuer, as it could actually lure each.
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Ramsey Present Highlights (1); JG Wentworth (2); InCharge (3); Financial savings.com (4)
This text offers data solely and shouldn’t be construed as recommendation. It’s supplied with out guarantee of any type.
