A non-binary nanny has found an unexpected and powerful advocate in a four-year-old child named Ana, who confidently corrected a church volunteer, stating, “They is my nanny.” This heartwarming moment occurred during a community playgroup, where the volunteer had mistakenly assumed the nanny was Ana’s mother. The nanny, who uses they/them pronouns, was deeply moved by Ana’s spontaneous defense and clear affirmation of their identity.
A Young Ally’s Bold Stand
The incident, which took place at a church-hosted community group for parents and young children, highlighted the innocence and directness of a child’s perspective. When the volunteer addressed the nanny with an incorrect assumption, Ana stepped in. The nanny recounted their reaction as a mix of confusion, pride, and joy, particularly noting how Ana’s simple declaration bypassed any need for grammatical correction. This child, who had never met a non-binary person before the nanny entered their life, became an immediate and vocal supporter.
This experience stood in stark contrast to the nanny’s own family dynamics, where their father still refers to them as his daughter, a habit stemming from a lack of conscious effort rather than malice. The nanny expressed a sense of wonder at the child’s innate ability to embrace and defend their identity, a level of acceptance that had not yet been fully achieved within their own family circle.
Personal Journey to Non-Binary Identity
The nanny’s journey toward embracing their non-binary identity began around 2022, with a gradual exploration of their pronouns, initially testing she/they. This period of self-discovery coincided with significant personal shifts, including entering a polyamorous relationship. This exploration led to a deeper questioning of societal norms, particularly the gender binary.
Observing friends who had already transitioned to non-binary identities and shed heteronormative expectations provided inspiration. The nanny realized that their own feelings of discomfort with gendered language, such as being referred to as ‘ladies’ in public, were not just for their friends but were personal experiences. This realization solidified their own identity as non-binary. When they came out to their predominantly queer friend group, the response was overwhelmingly supportive, with many expressing that it “made so much sense.”
Navigating Family and Societal Acceptance
While the nanny’s queer friends embraced their identity readily, family acceptance presented a more complex path. Having previously come out as bisexual and polyamorous, explaining their non-binary identity, and the discomfort with the term ‘daughter,’ required careful communication. Opting for a group chat message allowed them to articulate their feelings fully and give their family space to process the information.
The family’s response, while tinged with some confusion, was largely loving and supportive. Messages ranged from affirmations of happiness for the nanny’s self-discovery to acknowledgments of the challenges older generations might face in understanding. The nanny recognized that adjusting to new pronouns and gender concepts requires effort, especially for those outside the queer community, and acknowledged that occasional slip-ups and binary thinking still occur.
Embracing Parenthood and a New Career
The nanny’s personal growth also led to a reevaluation of their desire for children. Previously believing they didn’t want kids, the nanny realized that embracing their gender and sexual identity euphoria had shifted this perspective. While not interested in pregnancy, they found immense joy in being around children, referring to nieces and nephews as “niblings” – a gender-neutral term.
This newfound fulfillment in relation to children, coupled with a career change from the charity sector to childcare in 2025, marked a significant life transition. The nanny sought to surround themselves with the vibrant energy of children. An early nannying role for a six-month-old, where the parents affectionately used the term ‘Uncle Henna,’ further affirmed their path.
The Unique Dynamics of Nannying Young Children
Working with very young children, the nanny found that gender identity is less of a complex issue, as infants cannot yet grasp such concepts. However, with older children like Ana, curiosity often leads to direct questions. Ana’s initial question, “Why are you a they?” prompted a simplified explanation: “I’m not a boy, or a girl. I’m in the middle. Just a bit different.”
Ana’s subsequent questioning, “but you’re not a boy? And you’re not a girl? You’re just…Henna Benna,” demonstrated a child’s capacity for acceptance and creative understanding. The nanny emphasized that these blunt questions from children, like Ana and their niblings, stem from genuine curiosity as they try to make sense of the world. This openness, the nanny believes, is something adults, often shaped by patriarchal norms, have lost touch with. The article concludes by suggesting that future generations, with their inherent openness and willingness to question, are indeed alright, even if they can sometimes be a handful.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
